But let's imagine that you supported the child's proposal not to go to school tomorrow. And they were surprised to notice that the next day the sky did not fall to the ground and nothing changed. Except for one thing - your relationship with your child has become even better. Coincidence?
Is there anything to be afraid of?
Many educators would not support the decision to take an unauthorized day off. And even armed with evidence that sounds very convincing. After all, skipping school lessons with the permission of parents is a direct road to permissiveness and independent skipping of classes already without parental consent. What if this behavior becomes a habit? And here the most terrible events that will lead to irreparable consequences begin to acquire a truly frightening development.
But, on the other hand, all this is a strong exaggeration. You've only been allowed to walk for one day. It is unlikely that one day will completely change the academic performance of your child, inspire him that now you can skip school and have time to give birth bad habit. Even if in today's math lesson the whole class diligently delved into new topic, and your child stayed at home, the disaster will not happen.
First, there are tutorials that cover new topics in sufficient detail.
Secondly, there is no guarantee that a student who has not had enough sleep and is tired will better perceive new information within the walls of the school.
Thirdly, the topic is explained for 25-30 students. In 45 minutes of a lesson, it is impossible to find an approach to everyone and make sure that the child really understands the material. From this position, it is even more profitable to sit over textbooks at home.
Sometimes you can (and even need to) walk
If a child asks to stay at home for one day, then there are certain reasons for this. Of course, you can answer that you need to go to school every day, and not when there is a desire and mood, but it is better to deal with the root of the problem, and not with its side effects.
Perhaps the child is offended at school, or he does not have time to understand new topics, or something causes him fear, irritation, anger. There can be many reasons. And parents are the closest people for children and only they are able to understand the current situation.
But if a child comes home from school with good grades, feels great in a team and easily learns the material from the lesson, but today he still doesn’t want to go to school, this is also a reason to stay at home.
Here, psychologists are already taking the floor, who strongly advise organizing small family strikes in the system of gray everyday life. So you can feel with the baby as one team that accepts and respects each other's feelings and desires. At the same moment, a bond will become even stronger between you, without which it would be very difficult to build relationships with a child. Most importantly, thanks to this approach, children will learn to trust their parents, and not see daily control in their face.
In addition, the child will get the opportunity to sleep and relax. He will put his thoughts in order, he will have time for things that he constantly put off. Do you often catch yourself thinking while rushing about urgent matters, that you want to stop at least for a minute and watch the beauty of nature, the bright colors of the sunset, the funny birds in the trees?
Children get into this race early enough, where you need to constantly do something and you can’t miss anything. They, like many adults, forget to look around and see the beauty. And to notice beauty in seemingly ordinary little things is the same difficult topic like studying a new paragraph on history. And why not pause your daily duties and remember that there is life around you. It is interesting, unique, unusual, complex.
Yes, I really do not mind absenteeism. But before you judge me, listen to what I have to say. This year my children have moved to high school. And before starting school year We had a general parent meeting. The director took the floor and opened the Power Point presentation. The three most important things that parents should pay special attention to are highlighted in bold on the white sheet. Safety, communication with teachers and … attendance.
When this presentation appeared on the screen, I noticed how all my familiar parents who were sitting in the audience turned and looked at me. I made poker face.
Of course, I understand that the law is the law, and children must go to school a certain number of days a year. And I'm not going to let kids skip school to lie on the couch in front of the TV on the day they have an important test. But damn it. I gave birth to these children. I carried them for 9 months, taught them to walk, talk, poop in a pot and eat with a fork. I feed them daily (sometimes even healthy food), buy them clothes, sign them up for good clubs, and spend several hours every week driving them to and from those clubs.
I wipe up their vomit, put up with their temper tantrums, make them eat vegetables, and even sometimes help with math. And guess what else I do? I pick them up for a few days from school whenever I feel like it! Because it's my right!
I know some parents don't approve of me and teachers gossip behind my back, but I don't care what they think, I care about my kids. And by the way, I'll never let my kids go truant unless I'm sure it's worth it.
Year after year, I go to one-on-one meetings with teachers and explain that education doesn't seem like the highest priority in the world to me. Yes, my children try, yes, they are polite and well-mannered, and they always do their homework. School is important, that's a fact. But in our family, relationships come first. And point.
This means that if we decide to go on a trip that will give us wonderful memories, then we will absolutely choose it, and not math lessons. Or if something important happened to one of our relatives - even if he lives 1000 kilometers from us, we will go there. And let the dates of this trip do not coincide with the May holidays or Independence Day.
Do not misunderstand me. I try very hard to be polite and don't expect teachers to take my children's absence from class lightly. I always try to play it safe and make sure they do their homework even while traveling. And I always promise teachers that we will catch up with all the material covered. Yes, I understand that the older my children are, the more difficult it is. school program and the harder it will be for them. But I also know what's important to my family - and it's definitely not the school timetable.
There is another reason. On our trips, children not only communicate with the family, becoming closer to each other and to us, they also gain new experiences. BUT personal experience, I think, always teaches better than any school lessons. What is better to read about ancient rome in a textbook or walk around the Colosseum? Filling a math test or learning how to convert dollars to euros? Traveling not only allows you to get a lot of new information, but also introduces you to new countries and cultures. So you become more empathic, learn to accept other customs and points of view. Such experiences teach you to adapt to new circumstances - and this is very necessary in adulthood.
In addition, we receive new knowledge not only during travel. Before the trip, we read a lot about the place where we are going, we plan excursions and walks - children can learn a lot of new things in a thousand different ways. Sometimes I even ask the kids to do a Power Point presentation after a trip so they can tell the class about what they saw and where they were (yes, I know it's cruel).
My job as a mother is to keep my children safe, to give them a strong sense of being loved, and to educate them. If they miss 20 out of 160 school days, but instead spend time with their 97-year-old great-grandmother, interact with cousins they rarely see, or eat delicious ice cream in an Italian town, then I will consider myself a truly good mother. So I don't feel guilty at all that my kids skip school sometimes. This is for their own good.
School absenteeism is a common occurrence. Single non-systemic omissions are not widespread. They happen to every student and do not cause concern. Their consequences do not affect academic performance, the attitude of teachers and the children's team. Sometimes absenteeism is a positive experience for a child.
Constant absenteeism is negative. According to Article No. 43 of the Law "On Education", absenteeism is considered a gross violation of the charter educational institution for which a student may be expelled from school.
Parents bear administrative responsibility for the improper performance of duties for the upbringing of children. Although schools rarely practice expulsion as a measure of disciplinary action, absenteeism is an occasion for active action on the part of adults. We must start by finding out the reasons.
Reasons for absenteeism
The reasons for absenteeism are caused by subjective and objective circumstances.
subjective
They are related to the personality of the child and his individual features. These include:
- Low level of motivation to learn. The child does not understand why he should study and why knowledge of school subjects is needed.
- Inability to combine studies with hobbies- computer, sports, circles. At an older age - youthful love.
- Gaps in training, generating fear of making a mistake, looking ridiculous, being the worst in the class, creating discomfort.
- Relationship problems with classmates and teachers because of the characteristics of the character: uncertainty, tightness, complexes.
objective
They are caused by problems coming from the educational environment.
- Wrong organization educational process that does not take into account the individual needs and abilities of the student. Manifestations are different: from a lack of interest, because everything is known, to a lack of understanding of knowledge due to the high pace of teaching. Cultivating fear bad grade, calling parents to school and failure on tests.
- Incompetence of the class team leading to conflicts with classmates. In this class, students do not know how to resolve disagreements without conflict. Collisions occur between students or in the class as a whole.
- Bias of teacher assessment of knowledge, conflicts with teachers, fear of teaching methods of individual teachers.
Relationships in the family
They lead to regular walks. Educational psychologist, member of the Russian Psychological Society and the Association for Cognitive Behavioral Psychotherapy Elena Goncharova believes that the problems come from the family. Family relationships are the main reason for school absenteeism. She identifies 4 typical family problems that give rise to absenteeism.
Why walking is bad
During the time allotted for the classes, the child is not at school. Where, with whom and how he spends time - at best, at home, alone and aimlessly. At worst - in the alley, bad company and with harmful consequences.
Systematic absenteeism from school gives rise to:
- backlog in the development of the school curriculum;
- negative reputation of the student in front of the school administration, teachers, classmates;
- bad habits - smoking, alcoholism, substance abuse, gambling, drug addiction;
- negative personality traits - cunning, lies;
- accidents, the victims of which are truants;
- early promiscuity;
- committing offences.
If the child is lying
If there is no trust in the family between adults and children, then the child hides the facts of absenteeism and deceives. The later the parents find out about the passes, the more difficult it is to resolve the situation. There are signs in behavior that should alert parents:
- frequent negative statements about teachers and classmates;
- unwillingness to do homework, postponing tasks until the evening;
- constant complaints of lack of sleep, headaches, requests to stay at home;
- bad habits, new unreliable friends;
- negative response to questions about academic performance and school life;
- indifference to appearance before school, bad mood;
- isolation, unwillingness to discuss their problems with parents.
In the life of all students there are situations when you do not want to go to school. I would like to warn that if a child skips classes, then this is a bad deed. Regularly repeated absences are fraught with gaps in knowledge, and in this way a bad habit of skipping school can form, which creates many problems in the process of growing up a child. But still there are 10 ways to skip school and in reality they all work.
Method Navigator
1 way. Stay in the library.
Of the 5 ways to skip school, this one might work. Not coming to class with an excuse for what was in school library and preparing for the Olympiad, you can effectively skip classes. The main thing is to say that I was very carried away and did not notice when the bell rang. It may also be an option to help a librarian who has asked for posters to be put up or books to be moved.
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2 way. Go to the optometrist.
To check the vision of an ophthalmologist, special drops will be instilled into the eyes, which will greatly expand the pupils. After that, not only will you not be able to write, but you will also be able to get through the door with difficulty. Do not forget about a certificate from a doctor, which can then be presented to the teacher.
3 way. Note from relatives.
In a situation where the student is sure that the parents will not agree to write a note with requests for exemption from classes, you can ask to do this on behalf of the mother of the older brother, sister or girlfriend. This method is suitable only when the student has already skipped school and does not understand what to do next and how to justify himself to the teacher. It is important to remember that the teacher is always able to clarify whether the note is really true by calling the parents or by saving the piece of paper until the parent meeting with the mission to determine the authorship.
4 way. SMS with a call from the lessons from relatives.
Received on mobile phone an SMS message with a request to let the child go home due to an emergency at home, for example, “grandmother got sick” or “a plumber will come,” often finds understanding among teachers.
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5 way. Section visit.
If the student goes to the sports section, art or music school, and also if he receives additional education at school foreign languages, then you can easily take time off from lessons due to the need to prepare for a competition or competition, attend an unplanned lesson or workout.
6 way. Pretend to be "sick".
You need to get up to school a little later than usual. Next, you will have to inform your parents that you are sick and behave like a sick person behaves. It is important to move slowly. After sleep, do not comb your hair. If a cold or flu is simulated, then you can sneeze or cough, and also say that you feel dizzy. At the moment of simulating pain in the stomach, it is worth holding on to the stomach and complaining about the pain. There should be no appetite for breakfast, because it disappears in sick people.
7 way. To miss the bus.
If the child gets to school on his own by bus, then you can simply be late for it. You will have to go to the stop too slowly so as not to be in time before departure. You can also just hide until the bus leaves, and then return home. If the parents are still at home or suddenly return from work at lunchtime, then you will need to hide from them so that they do not notice skipping school.
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8 way. Hide your backpack.
It is important to hide your own backpack at school, and when the lesson starts, you need to start loudly indignant and shout that the notebooks and textbooks along with the backpack are gone, and there are suggestions where they hid it. Then you have to go in search of a backpack and return only at the end of the lesson. Do not forget that you will have to stain the backpack a little to make it more plausible that he was at the stadium or with the cleaning lady in the back room.
9 way. Rub your feet with laundry soap.
You can skip classes with the help of an ordinary piece of laundry soap. He needs to rub his leg and boldly go to class. It all lies in the fact that at the moment of rubbing the trouser leg against the leg, a too natural effect of damage will turn out. Already at recess, you can safely go to the medical center with complaints of a bruise and pain in the leg.
10 way. The need to go to the military registration and enlistment office.
This method will give a result only for high school boys who have the right to skip school due to a call to the military registration and enlistment office. In order not to get into a difficult situation, it is important to find out in advance whether there will actually be subpoenas from this institution in the coming days.
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Good day. You will be interested in this article if your child is skipping school. You will learn the probable causes of such behavior and ways to solve them, taking into account psychological characteristics.
Likely Causes
Parents should be aware that various conditions can contribute to truancy. It is very important to notice changes in the child's behavior in time, to take certain measures before everything goes too far.
- The child has hobbies or activities that attract him much more than lessons at school. You say that for today's children, any activity will be better than sitting at a desk. It really is, which is very sad. Don't be surprised if your son or daughter runs out of class to go to the cinema or on a date.
- Intense fear of failure in class. For example, a child may skip math because he has not prepared for control work or literature, because he did not learn the verse by heart.
- Bad habits and bad company.
- Fear of other children in the class causes a desire not to go to school. This is observed if the child is regularly bullied, the resulting conflict is not resolved. The kid is really afraid of his offenders, so he will skip the whole day.
- Support for self-willed behavior on the part of parents.
So I went on about my son several times. Thought he was really not feeling well, which was a way to stay at home and skip classes. After two such cases, I finally saw through his thoughts and henceforth behaved differently. If my son, waking up, began to complain of feeling unwell, I sent him to school anyway, and told him to go to the teacher or immediately to the first-aid post if he became ill. The nurse will be able to see and assess his condition. At first, he still tried to call me from school, asking me to leave the lessons. I, in turn, said to contact the nurse, so that she would tell me whether to take my son or not. After that, Nikita hung up and did not call again, after all the lessons he returned home feeling normal. After a few failed attempts I realized that it would no longer be possible to lead me by the nose. Now he's talking about feeling unwell when you really get sick. Undoubtedly, sometimes I worry, suddenly the child is really ill. In such cases, I suggest that my son go to the clinic to see a doctor instead of school. After all, a specialist will be able to identify what is wrong with him. And if this is a method of manipulation, then the child refuses to go to the doctor.
- A kid can skip classes if he was punished after a serious misconduct and demanded to bring his mom or dad to school. The child is afraid to tell his parents about what happened, he decides not to go to school.
- Fear of control. The child systematically does not appear at the test papers.
- Low self-esteem, feeling like an inferior member of society.
- Difficulties of socialization. Quite common during adolescence.
- Problems with a certain teacher. Fear of being humiliated.
- Complete lack of interest in activities.
- Severe performance gap.
- Dislike for certain subjects or serious difficulties in their assimilation.
- Excessive demands of mom and dad.
- Absence from classes due to training, preparation for a concert or competition.
- Feeling of permissiveness and impunity.
- A way to impress the "elite" of the class. The desire to be cool.
signs
There are a number of manifestations by which a parent will be able to suspect that a daughter or son is missing classes or this will happen soon.
- You often hear complaints about the teacher or classmates.
- Baby for a long time different ways trying to put off doing homework.
- He freaks out when you start talking about his progress in school.
- Sleep disturbance, frequent nightmares.
- Often headaches for no apparent reason.
- Friendship with children from disadvantaged families.
- The kid hardly gets up in the morning, reluctantly crawls out of bed, slowly going to school.
- Regularly asks for at least a day to stay at home.
- There is no interest in everything related to school, even in how he looks and what he is wearing.
- Decrease or lack of appetite.
- Closure in yourself. Reluctance to make contact with mom or dad.
What to do
Parents panic when they find out their child is skipping school. What to do, how to be, how to reason with your child? The main thing is not to chop off the shoulder and not use physical punishment. Let's take a look at some helpful tips.
- Upon learning that the child skipped a lesson, talk with the teacher, find out, perhaps, problems at school, conflicts with children or teachers. Find out if the problem is in the child's character.
- Try to put yourself in the place of your son or daughter, consider the situation from his point of view. Try to speak frankly with your child as if you were a friend. Find out the reasons for this behavior.
- When there is a conflict with the teacher, it must be resolved immediately. Just don’t make a scandal, especially in front of a child, or run to complain to the director. Better find a way to peacefully resolve the situation, try to make friends with the teacher, ask to start treating your child differently.
- If the problem is the lack of knowledge, the child does not keep up with the rest of the children, or he is not given specific subjects, it's time to hire a tutor.
- Control your daughter or son, but do not cross the line. Do it without him noticing.
- Enroll your child in additional classes, in school sections or circles. But you should be careful that they do not interfere with basic studies.
- You should not go on about the child, leave him at home every time, as he wants.
- If problems with classmates are to blame, then it is better to consult a psychologist to solve such a situation.
- Get your child used to the routine. He must feel responsible for his actions.
- Establish contact with teachers to be aware of all the problems and concerns of your offspring.
- Pay more attention to the child, be interested in his life, show that you are not indifferent to him.
- Make sure your baby has adequate sleep and a healthy diet.
- Motivate your child to schooling and the importance of attending classes.
- It is important to know with whom your child spends his free time, how they influence him.
- If the child has difficulty following homework help him explain.
- Take care of the normal level psychological comfort in your family.
- Be sure to show your child that you are always ready to help, take care and protect.
- Timely notice changes in the character and behavior of the baby, if necessary, contact a psychologist for advice.
- Parents should also take into account such an option when a daughter or son is simply not capable of studying at school. In such situations right decision is the transition to self-study at home.
Mistakes due to inexperience
Most parents do not think about whether they are doing the right thing when they react to the child's behavior in one way or another. There are frequent cases of serious errors.
Let's take a look at what not to do.
- It is not necessary to categorically forbid the child to miss lessons, it is better to say that if there is a serious need, the pass will be acceptable.
- There is no need to resist rare absenteeism, if this does not affect the student's academic performance.
- Lack of desire to identify the cause of such behavior and refusal to solve the problem. It is very important to identify the prerequisites, to communicate with the child on an equal footing, in fact, to be friends with him. This will help to respond in a timely manner and correct the current situation. You can easily explain to the baby about his actions, give reasons.
- It is impossible to punish him with deprivation of food or water.
When the process is running
Perhaps at first you managed to persuade your child, to convince him of the infidelity of his actions. However, there may come a time when the child starts. Absenteeism will become regular and systematic. In such a situation, the mother needs to go with the child to a psychologist, for example, to a school one. The specialist will help to understand the causes of atypical behavior, tell you how to act. It should be borne in mind that often children do not decide on such an act on their own. As a rule, dubious friends incite them. Don't be surprised if your son or daughter is already smoking along with absenteeism. Sometimes parents need to do a little research to find out what and how is going on in a child's life. In our age social networks all useful information can be found on the page of your offspring and his friends.
Now you know if a child skips classes, what to do and how to behave. Do not forget about the need to establish contact with your child, acquire trusting relationships, be in touch with the teacher and know about the school life of your daughter or son.