ONLINE CONSULTATION

I understand that I do not understand anything.

Rauf, good afternoon! Moving in the Internet, I found a site where you help a student to understand himself in an accessible way. Where you do not just see the situation, but point to the immediate source of the problem. Perhaps you will have time and you will respond to my request for a consultation.

R.M.

What is the problem?

I am a 3rd year student full-time learning. In the future, a lawyer. What worries? I have never had problems in my studies, I always close the sessions without triples. However, this year I just can’t pull myself together and force myself to study fully. I come home, give myself time to rest - read a lot, have dinner, do something around the house or just watch a movie. 2 hours pass, and then I start to play for time so as not to teach. In the end, I overpower myself, sit down and understand the theory, but in practice I understand that "I don't understand a damn thing," and there is no time - usually at 1-2 am. Then I sleep for 4 hours, I still read in the morning and go to the university with porridge. At seminars, I'm sorry, I mess up, I mostly keep quiet, and if they ask, I get grades worse than I can earn. I return home, sleep for 2 hours, because the brain does not understand, and then everything is all over again. I often cry. After about 3 weeks of such a regime, I realized that I was starting to go crazy and did not digest my university categorically. I see that classmates not only study successfully (even without going into details of the subject), but also study extracurricular activities at the university: scientific, creative, volunteer. The dean's office supports the idea that just studying at a university is not enough; But it's hard for me to imagine that I will "jump" with a bare stomach on the stage in front of the teachers, publish notes in the newspaper of the faculty (because it's very personal, I write for myself) or discuss the features of the transmission. It seems that I understand that to each his own, but in Lately This is starting to take a toll on the psyche. I know that it’s not worth comparing yourself with others, that it’s impossible to do everything, but before that I didn’t suffer with this. And now I look at myself and understand - I'm rolling down, degrading. So I'm thinking maybe it's not mine? Although I love jurisprudence apart from the university. I don’t shift my problems to anyone, but now I’m wildly confused - why it turns out this way - but I can’t figure it out, no matter how hard I try.

R.M.

This is a fairly common situation when in the 3rd year a person has a "crisis" in his studies. Very often, people who studied well and easily in the first years lose interest in learning in the 3rd-4th year. This is usually due to the fact that the motivation that drove a person before has disappeared, and a new one has not appeared. (Although, of course, in each case it is necessary to understand separately - what was the previous motivation and why it does not work now)). And the task is to find a new motivation for studying, because without motivation it is difficult to study. Since you are writing to me, it means that you probably read my consultations on the site and saw that before giving any recommendations, I ask quite a lot of questions in order to get as complete an idea as possible about what kind of person you are and what actually are your problems. And the more you answer, the easier it will be for me to help you. To begin with, tell us what exactly you can’t do - homework, projects, etc.? Do you go to lectures and seminars?

I spend at least 6 hours studying at the university and 5-6 hours at home. I attend lectures and seminars, do not go - do not respect yourself, and what will it give? Nothing. I have difficulty preparing assignments. I master the theory, delve into it, and with the tasks the game "pull the cat by the tail" begins. Considering that every day there are 2 seminars on different subjects, the preparation of assignments turns into torture. From the very morning I figure out what needs to be done and HOW MUCH I need to sit in order to prepare ALL tasks. At the same time, I write term papers, projects, reports, reviews, etc. well, but in my own mode - at night, when there is a lot of time, and in the morning I sleep off. I like the session mode more, again because I develop the mode myself. The second problem has always existed for me - I'm afraid to say something wrong at the seminars. I only answer when asked. But never, even if I know.

R.M.

It is difficult to reproach you for "laziness", you study a lot, I would even say too much. So let's focus on what actually does not suit you. You wrote, in practice I understand that "I don't understand a damn thing" - let's talk more about this. What does "I don't understand" mean? There are several levels of understanding:

1. Answer what you read in the exam verbatim.

2. Answer in an exam or seminar in your own words.

3. Applying the theory to solve a specific practical problem.

If you compare your understanding with the understanding of your classmates, then in whose favor will the comparison be?

I think that literally answering the exam is just stupid. I need to understand the essence of things, and not copy someone - otherwise nothing will remain in my head. I answer normally. The difficulty lies in applying the theory, because I'm looking for too many options and I just can't choose - I'm not sure what ... I don't know why. Classmates talk more, talk about banal things that are already clear, due to this they leave. If we take into account the level of understanding directly, that is, people who orient themselves on the move (I'm slowly, but like a tank moving towards this), there are also complete boom-boom. I would like to relate to learning more simply, and not to chase like crazy.

R.M.

It is clear - do you strive for a deeper understanding of the subject than most (or maybe all) of your classmates, who are more likely to orient themselves on the surface of the subject, but do not try to understand its essence? But your effort to understand the essence of the subject takes a lot of time and effort. And they learn this quickly and, in principle, this is quite enough for answers at seminars and exams, and teachers are also satisfied with their level of knowledge.

Classmates in most cases "leave" due to resourcefulness and activity, but not knowledge, i.e. they hear a tiny part of the correct information from others and begin to develop it right on the spot in front of the teacher. Most often these are just words, a conversation “about nothing”, but at the same time such “frauds” leave no room for pauses. I, in most cases, must rely on facts, clearly calibrated positions - for me this is correct and necessary for my own peace of mind. It cannot be said that I do not have oratory skills, I cannot act in a similar way (as classmates). Anything can happen - often quite tolerable "improvisation on the fly" is obtained. But still, empty talk makes me uncomfortable - not mine. It's like you're holding a time bomb and you need to cut off the wires. Therefore, I behave calmly and reservedly, and the teachers think that I am not interested in the subject or know little

R.M.

The situation is more or less clear. I understood about the time bomb - in principle, you can improvise, but such improvisations cause you great discomfort. Do this - name five adjectives that most accurately characterize your classmates who "leave" due to resourcefulness and activity, but not knowledge, that is, they will hear a tiny part of the correct information from others and begin to develop it right on the spot in front of the teacher.

Self-confident, narcissistic, inventive, sociable, arrogant. Well, and cheeky too. Like that.

R.M.

Here's what I can say about your situation. You are such a person who tries to delve into the subject that you study deeply enough, which is called to penetrate into the essence. And of course, such a penetration requires a very large investment of time and effort, as you say, you just need to live in textbooks, which is quite natural. And everything seems to be fine, and it would even be possible to continue to work so hard if such labor costs would have a result and would be appreciated by other people - teachers and students. So no! - By and large, teachers don’t care, and even more than that, they often appreciate those who leave due to arrogance, self-confidence and sociability, but who spent ten times less energy than you did to study the subject. And it's very embarrassing! And you don’t want to look as impudent and arrogant as they are, you behave at seminars and exams as you think, as opposed to them - calmly and restrainedly, which gives teachers the impression that you are not interested in the subject, which means that in order to achieve a good mark you need to work even more - and there is nowhere else, and this leads you to despair. It is these two feelings - resentment and despair that now dominate you, and it is they that prevent you from studying calmly.

You are right about classmates. Relations with classmates are excellent, we calmly discuss any topic, laugh, joke, tell each other, etc. And this applies to the whole group as a whole, and to each student individually. Outside the university, we communicate calmly. There is no counterbalance and there cannot be. In pairs - yes, I rarely run ahead of a steam locomotive, but in life I’m not at all crowded, which sits in the corner and scornfully looks sideways towards teachers and students. Judging by the answer, you assume that I have a grudge against students and teachers, because they do not notice my results. It's not about me. But what is correctly noted - I need to carefully master the material FOR MYSELF! For your development. To study so that someone notices, "pats me on the head", says how good I am, is irrational. So that your self-esteem is forever dependent on someone? What kind of complexes? No. I am only responsible to myself. Thanks for the consultation.

R.M.

Or what to do when you don't know what to do?

Dear student!

This section contains typical questions that many people have during training. Of course, they do not cover all areas of life, but they clarify situations regarding educational process and communication at the university. What to do if you flunked the coursework? What to do if you do not have a relationship with a teacher or classmates? Is it possible to transfer if I understand that the direction in which I am studying is not for me?

You will find answers (and in some cases even detailed algorithms!) to these and many other questions here. The section is in constant development, we promise that new questions and answers will appear.

PS: if you have an unusual question regarding educational process, You can contact the Associate Principal/Dean for educational work. You can find contacts. If the appeal did not lead to the resolution of your problem, you can address your question to the Deputy First Vice-Rector for MID.

If your question is related to psychology - relationships in a group or with teachers, you can contact the leading management psychologist for educational work, head of the student psychological service .

Sincerely,
CSU student support service

Questions and answers Questions and answers

1. Find someone who understands, ask to explain. The sooner, the better!
2. Find a tutor.
3. Ask the teacher for clarifications on questions you do not understand. Try to separate what you understood, at least in general, from what you specifically do not understand (as in a task - to distinguish between the known and the unknown). Approach the teacher with pre-formulated questions (not “I didn’t understand anything at all”, but “I didn’t understand why ..., how ..., what is the connection between ..., etc.”)
4. Write down more (even if you don’t understand), especially carefully record examples, the course of solving a problem, the logic of reasoning, etc.; be sure to give a lecture 1-2 hours after class (or in the evening). Compare your notes with the notes of other students or the text of the textbook (additional literature) so as not to miss the essential and understand the details.
5. Do it practical tasks, look for the connection between practice and theory.
6. Look for analogies with what is being studied on this subject, ask the teacher to give an example (sort out several options for tasks of the same type, etc.), come up with examples yourself or together with classmates. If you yourself can give an example for the stated theoretical question, then you have understood the material in general terms.
7. Try to explain the material to someone, moreover, better than that who do not understand this issue.
8. You do not understand - bison. Not the best option, but sometimes understanding how insight comes after a few repetitions; this, by the way, can happen right on the exam.
9. Contact a psychologist - he will help you understand the reasons for your personal "misunderstanding". They can be associated both with insufficient school knowledge and with your individual features perception, thinking, etc.

The difficult is that which can be done immediately; the impossible is something that will take a little longer.

J. Santayana

Hello. Are you unable to find a person who would be close to you? Do your parents disapprove of your actions? Classmates uninteresting and stupid? You constantly scroll through the phrase in your head - no one understands me? Then you are right here! I will tell you why loneliness is not scary, how to find loved ones and what is needed for happiness.

What is loneliness

When you are alone, there are no people around, the TV does not distract your attention, the phone is turned off - you have to think. And a person does not like this business terribly. To strain, to waste energy, to experience the thought process. But this is precisely the most useful side of loneliness.

Just think how many hasty and stupid decisions a person makes. He wouldn't have made that mistake just by thinking for a few minutes.

We tend to think on the run, during breaks, faster, faster, faster.
If you can say I'm here alone and nothing distracts me - great! Take a moment and think. Just think about your life, analyze your actions. There are so many interesting topics to think about.

Girls at the age of 14 have a huge number of topics on which they can spend time alone with themselves. And boys at sixteen. And at twenty-three, thirty-eight, fifty-five. Do not think that loneliness accompanies a person only at one particular age. It lasts throughout life.

And it is very important to learn how to use such moments correctly.

Do not think that everything is bad, that no one needs you, that the world is against you. On the contrary, life gives you time to think, a respite for analysis, a pause for.

If you feel hostility from others, the world seems to you embittered and opposed to you, then read the article "". There is nothing irreparable, remember that!

Kindred soul

We found out that loneliness is not bad, and even good to some extent. But do not think that you do not need a person nearby. To each .

Don't worry if you don't have that person around right now. You will find it anyway, one way or another. If there are people around you with whom it is difficult for you to communicate, you cannot find common topics for conversation, they do not understand you and consider you strange - that's okay. The main thing is not to drive on this topic too much.

Remember that all people are different, everyone has their own cockroaches in their heads. Someone easily converges with people, others need a lot of time to let them get closer. You are who you are. And you have to know how to love. Know your strengths and weak. Work on problems, and on good qualities work hard. We will talk about this later.

If it suddenly seems to you that your mother does not love you, then be sure to read the article "". We sometimes see things that are not really there. Maybe now your parents have serious problems and they pay little attention to you. And that doesn't mean they don't love you!

Finding friends isn't that hard. It is more difficult to maintain this friendship. After all, it is necessary to work on it, and many do not understand this. The article "" will help you decide how to meet interesting people. But how to proceed further, you have to think for yourself.

Live your own life

So, we come to the most interesting. What if you are alone? What helps you deal with feelings of abandonment? Where to direct your potential?

Find a space to express yourself. How you will be is up to you. It can be writing poetry, drawings, music, modeling aircraft. Anything that comes to your mind!

If you want to dance, but everyone from your environment will condemn this idea - do not pay attention. Do what brings you pleasure and joy.

Don't doubt yourself. When I started writing poetry at the age of twelve, it seemed to me terrible, disgusting and stupid. I almost gave up on this job. But she pulled herself together and continued. And now I don't regret it at all. Keep going and don't stop!

Believe me, it may now seem boring and unnecessary to you. But then you will thank yourself. What to do? , go to theaters and museums, study the history, at least of your city. This knowledge not only improves general level your education, but also teach your brains to work constantly, not to stop.

Learn. In order to engage in self-improvement and self-development, you need to understand what is a good motivator. The article "" will help you a lot with this. It is worth starting to do something, and then you join the process and you already get real pleasure.

Smile and don't close. the world will be helped to constantly see new things, to notice something interesting where no one sees it. If you want to be sociable, but don't know where to start, then the article "" is especially for you!

Tell me why you feel lonely What do people not understand about you? Why don't you communicate with your peers? How do your parents treat you? What are you doing on your own?

Believe me, you are not alone. The whole world is open to you, you just have to take a closer look!

People know absolutely nothing about Bitcoin and do not want to know. Over the years, many myths, misunderstandings and lies that surrounded were debunked, but still there were people who were completely ignorant, who openly admit to their “I don’t know and don’t want to know”. There is only one Internet running on one set of fundamental rules, and there will be "only one money" on the Internet running on one set of fundamental rules, they say. And all burger chains will have one “burger token.” And your cryptocurrencies are generally financial pyramids, scams and tulip fever. How can people who have known about the existence of Bitcoin for almost a decade be so ignorant?

You don't understand anything about Bitcoin because you don't understand computers. That is, you have no idea how your devices and accounts work, Email And mobile phone, and with a high degree of probability have never been interested. You use Microsoft Windows "because it's the standard." You don't want to know how things work as long as they work and perform their functions. You defend your ignorance the way beavers defend their dams.

You are a big problem, not only because you don't know a damn thing about computers and "these internets of yours." Most people don't need to know the inner workings of the machines they work with. You present a big problem because you are firmly convinced of your point of view. It is your computer literacy that tells you that "Bitcoin is a bubble" because you don't know anything about Bitcoin.

You don't know anything about Bitcoin because you are cryptographically illiterate. This is for you to create instructions for creating passwords: use upper and lower case, add numbers, have different passwords everywhere. You do not encrypt your mail and do not believe in end-to-end encryption of Telegram. You prefer willful, blissful ignorance, thinking that they will not come for you and that you have nothing to hide, but forget that the right to privacy can be violated not only by legitimate authorities, but also by illegal hackers. And when you are pressed against the wall and asked to explain why you are so too lazy to change passwords, you will again start your hurdy-gurdy with banality and delusions.

People like you present a cultural problem for people who want to protect their data and the right to correspond, for example. Many attempts to create software privacy rights such as GPG have ended in failure, and we are only now beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel thanks to the massive adoption of instant messaging platforms.

Money illiteracy

You don't know anything about Bitcoin because you are financially illiterate. Monetary illiteracy is very different, but there is a separate group of especially mediocre and miserable who poison the majority and bear the greatest responsibility: Keynesians and statesmen. Keynesians believe that the money supply should always increase. It's a lie. It's like saying that the number of digits should grow over time, because the number of things you need to measure is also constantly growing.

Government paper lovers like you are a problem for anyone who wants a stable economy and an end to the arms race. The inflationary fiat currencies that everyone uses today poison freedom, equality, fraternity, peace and prosperity, and for this reason Bitcoin digital cash appeared in general: to create money, separated from the state, economically, globally and irrevocably. Financial illiteracy and ignorance make people hold on to paper money. They have no idea that they are being robbed every day. If they understood, they would have already grabbed their pitchforks and kindled fires in every capital of the world.

statesmen

Bitcoin hardly fits into your field of perception, because you are a statesman. A statesman is a person who believes that only the state can be the final judge of every activity in which people are involved. For the state and statesmen, Bitcoin is rat poison. Their belief that people should not send messages to each other through public networks is completely irrational. You do not need to register with a passport in WhatsApp, and its messages are fundamentally not much different from Bitcoin; they are encrypted with the same technologies as Bitcoin. But statesmen cannot explain why Bitcoin should be banned or tied to a passport, but WhatsApp should not.

The statesman on the Internet is a destructive force for human progress, deeply mistaken in his beliefs. This force believes that everyone needs to be hounded and crushed by their own stupidity, often without even understanding how progress works and how to prohibit it. To ban at any cost is destruction. Again, all because such people absolutely do not want to rake up their own ignorance and allow the possibility of their own mistakes. History has always thrown these kinds of people overboard, but they keep popping up like weeds in a garden.

clinical paranoia

You do not understand and do not want to understand Bitcoin because you are clinically paranoid. People with paranoid personality disorder are suspicious of other people. They always feel in danger and look for evidence to support their irrational suspicion. The problem is that the distrust of these people does not match the environment. There are many people who (for example) selectively choose only the negative aspects of a new device or service, rather than the obvious benefits. In the case of Bitcoin, for example, they will be the first to point out that it is used for money laundering or for black market operations, to buy drugs and slaves.

This kind of paranoid exists in every generation and is regularly mistaken. Such people don’t have an Apple company, and no one needs a smartphone without buttons, and electric cars don’t go, and the autopilot will kill people, and Elon Musk’s rockets won’t take off. Only mass approval can help them, which will wash away the idiocy and make such statements meaningless, equivalent to the statements of people in foil hats. There are only two pluses from such people: 1) sometimes they say sensible things and conduct a sensible analysis; 2) they are powerless, because they do not intersect with statesmen and talk only about software and hardware.

Eventually, once Bitcoin is at the heart of every business model, everyone will agree on the correct definition of this digital cash and no one will be fooled. Bitcoin will become as common as bottled water, Wi-Fi, TCP-IP, antivirus or defragmentation. It will no longer cause curiosity, questions or delusions. It will be everywhere, in every pocket, on every computer, like mail, like cameras and phones.

Those who do not have cryptocurrency cannot predict the future and cannot influence it. They can only squeal and rant about what is wrong with Bitcoin, but they might as well argue that one day the moon will crack into a trillion pieces of cheese and rain down on Earth to feed its poor mice.

No matter how they scream, the moon will not suddenly be made of cheese and crack in half. Bitcoin is not going anywhere.

Computer illiteracy will lose value because the complexity will disappear.

Cryptographic illiteracy will lose value, because no one cares how WhatsApp works, the main thing is that it works.

Money illiteracy will become irrelevant because Keynesianism will die.

Statesmen will disappear because states won't be needed.

Only clinical paranoia. Exclusively for laughs.

If you've ever felt like you've been underestimated or misunderstood, you're not alone. It happens to everyone. The way we see each other is not true.

We all wear "distorting lenses" through which we look at people, actions, emotions. These lenses cause perceptual errors - because of them, we may not be trusted or noticed.

Fortunately, these errors are predictable - and we can recognize and prevent them. Social psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson will show you how to avoid bias and get people to look at us objectively.

What is this book about?

If you have ever made a bad impression on someone, then this book is definitely worth reading. I was wrong a thousand times at the first, second and even 10th meeting, and then I did not understand why they treat me badly. The first impression is very hard to correct, but, hooray! - Can. And the book describes how. While reading the book, I analyzed myself and my relationships with my parents, friends, and colleagues.

Good book. No water or snot. I want to read each chapter to the end, I want to test each method in practice. This is what I do.

Meet Tanya Burtseva.

Here is what the author writes: “Sometimes people ask me: is this book about how to make a good impression? No. It is about more important: the ability to look in the eyes of others the way you want. Is there anything more important than this in a world where everything is interconnected and nothing can be done alone?

The purpose of this book is to provide you with the tools to adjust your image as needed and broadcast what you want.

Lenses of Perception

When solving problems, in stress, in a bad mood, or even depending on daily rhythms, people think in stereotypes. "Larks" tend to rely on stereotypes in the afternoon, "owls" - after breakfast. Once I had to work with a woman with a shaved head and tattoos. I did not hide my horror and tried to stay away. Later, she turned out to be very pleasant and completely harmless. Her hobbies are knitting and Argentine tango.

The people around you don't just form an impression of you. They do not realize that this process is riddled with prejudice.

Since everything happens unconsciously, they believe that they perceive you objectively - the way you see yourself.

Illusion of transparency

Your emotions are not as obvious because the face is not as expressive as you imagine. Research shows that strong basic emotions- surprise, fear, disgust and anger - are easy to read, but with subtle experiences, the situation is worse.

Your face designed to express "I sympathize with you" may be like "I'm not at all moved by what you said." Psychologists call this the illusion of transparency - and we are all victims of it.

Most of the time, when you tell yourself, "I was very clear" or "He knows what I mean," you've made it unclear and he doesn't know.

We also tend to think that our bad habits and imperfections are normal. For example, people who quickly lose patience, cheat on their spouses, smoke or drink, believe that others also often succumb to these temptations. But when it comes to good deeds, everyone tends to consider themselves better than others - more honest, kinder and more capable. Psychologists call this the false uniqueness assumption.

Back in the 1980s, respondents were asked if they were willing to keep the Ten Commandments, and then asked to guess what percentage of Americans did the same.

Other people assume that you share their opinions and views, but not their abilities. They think they are more talented and less vicious than you.

Take it easy.

An inconvenient truth

The truth is that sometimes a person…understands you. It is he who sees the truth about you, and you are wearing a blindfold.

It is difficult to truly understand ourselves because we are not always aware of what is going on in the mind. Sometimes we are torn apart by contradictions. Do you behave the same way with close friends, colleagues and family?

How do you know if you are being understood or judged correctly? It is not simple. But there is one way. Look for common ground in the views of others. If all your friends, family, co-workers make the same "mistake" about you, then it's probably not a mistake.

Back in the book

Without being able to accurately translate thoughts and intentions to others, no one will succeed: neither the person, nor the team, nor the organization. This book will tell you how people communicate, why communication can be difficult. And most importantly, what to do with it.

This book will help you:

• find out how others see you every day
• recognize persistent communication errors and correct them
• learn to choose words and “send” the right signals
• determine through which lenses a person is looking at you
• communicate more effectively
• learn how to fix a bad impression of yourself
• create the image you want in the eyes of others
• avoid many problems in personal and professional life

And if you want to be seen as real, to understand yourself how you look from the outside - start with this book. You realize, perhaps for the first time in your life, what other people see in your words and actions.