Heartache: inevitable suffering or a chance to become happy?
20.11.2015Maria Barnikova
Mental pain is a specific phenomenon that deeply affects the sphere of feelings of the individual and manifests itself in a change in the mental state of a person.
heartache- a specific phenomenon that deeply affects the sphere of feelings of the individual and manifests itself in a change in the mental state of a person. Unlike physiological pain syndromes, mental suffering is not the result of organic or functional diseases of the body.
The mechanism of development of mental pain
As an emotion, mental pain arises in response to a sharp global change in the habitual way of life of a person, which a person interprets as an important negative event. In most cases, such an emotion is the result of a significant loss for the individual, for example: the death of a close relative, parting with a beloved partner, a break due to betrayal with a best friend, the death of a pet, loss of social status.
A rapidly emerging emotion, with a kind of negative assessment by a person, is transformed into a long-term negative experience, translating mental pain into a deep, intensely expressed feeling. According to psychologists, any sudden loss by a person of components significant for life, whether it be the loss of a loved one or a valuable object, removes an essential link from among the factors necessary for the survival of an individual.
Until recently, most doctors adhered to the hypothesis that mental pain is purely subjective. Modern psychologists adhere to the theory that mental pain is a phenomenon that is completely different from bodily sensations, a kind of unconscious suffering for one's own "I". However, detailed studies conducted by American neuropsychologists have refuted this assertion. The pictures obtained by means of a magnetic resonance tomograph confirmed the identity in the process of development of mental pain and physiological pain. In both cases, when a person experiences both mental suffering and physical pain, activation of the neurons of the limbic system of the brain is observed.
It has also been established that mental anguish can manifest itself at the physiological level, in particular, be felt as psychogenic pain. This type of pain syndrome is not associated with somatic pathologies and does not have a clear localization. Often, mental, as well as psychogenic pain, is an indispensable companion of depression, hysteria, hypochondria, anxiety, and other psycho-emotional disorders.
Causes
As a rule, humanity is accustomed to shifting all responsibility for the occurrence of moral suffering exclusively on external factors and circumstances. However, this unpleasant experience of a psychosomatic nature can arise due to prolonged physical and mental stress, for example: a constant feeling of irrational, long-term suppressed emotion of anger. Without taking into account the inherent physiological nature of such reactions: deficiency of certain chemicals - neurotransmitters, excessive production of anxiety hormones, a person interprets his sensations as an exclusively internal feeling, not paying attention to the accompanying muscle spasms, tension headaches and other somatic symptoms.
Quite often, a person cultivates mental pain on his own, creating a direct association with painful sensations experienced in the past from some event. Such a conscious fixation on the negative situations of personal history connects any, even an insignificant phenomenon, with the suffering experienced earlier, leading to a chronic mental “shake”.
The mental pain often demonstrated to others masks the obscene thoughts of a person. Thus, the internal cynical need of an individual to gain certain benefits can be hidden behind the suffering of the soul, for example: to attract attention by any means, to receive a guarantee not to experience a fiasco in actions. Exhibited mental anguish can be a skillful tool of revenge or become a means to achieve power over others.
An important reason for the wide spread of mental suffering is the historical fact that Christian morality encourages and cultivates mental pain. In the understanding of believers, torment of the heart is a virtue, an indicator of righteousness and the true faith of a person. Modern culture, to match Christianity, preaches the principle: the experience of suffering is dignity, special heroism, a kind of indicator of an educated humane personality, a necessary destiny of a person on the path to transformation.
Step 1: Give Yourself Time to Suffer
How to cope with mental pain - an uninvited guest, who unceremoniously destroys happiness and faith? To cope with mental pain, you should give yourself time to go through a difficult period, do not rush or push yourself. Remember: most people are characterized by an independent subsidence of mental pain, provided that the “bleeding wound” is not reopened. This is similar to how relaxation occurs over time after muscle spasms, how a psychogenic headache disappears after a quality rest. The rate of natural healing of the body depends on a number of factors: the age of the person, his psychological characteristics, the state of the central nervous system, the significance of the events experienced for the individual.
Step 2. Get rid of the habit of dramatization
Unfortunately, most of our contemporaries, who are prone to tormenting the heart, do not have sufficient psychological knowledge about how to relieve mental pain, or do not use the skills in practice. Many of us have ritual patterns of behavior, the essence of which is "rubbing salt in the wound." This is manifested in the habit of raising and discussing a painful topic, remembering the past “happy” days, not letting go, but pursuing a person, even when the futility of the relationship is clearly understood. Of course, the minor feeling that has arisen after a tragic event is a natural and understandable state, but the habit of consciously dramatizing and increasing the scale of the catastrophe must be eradicated. If mental pain in the heart is provoked by an event that cannot be changed, for example: with an incurable illness of a loved one, one should work on emotions and change the interpretation of the situation.
Mental suffering can be consciously or not strengthened by the close environment, touching on weak points, touching on unpleasant topics, giving "practical" advice. In such situations, in order to relieve mental pain, it is necessary to reconsider personal contacts, temporarily stopping communication with such people who are doing a disservice.
Step 3. We measure our torments with the difficulties of the universe
Most people quickly jump into a fight with mental pain without understanding whether the problem really exists. Psychologists say that 99% of all “insoluble” difficulties are created independently by a person, more precisely, by the brain. People make an elephant out of a fly, temporary troubles are introduced into the rank of the apocalypse. And the resulting mental pain is not evidence of an insurmountable threat, but the fact that the person is confused in the interpretation of events, she lacks knowledge and skills.
In such a situation, mental pain is a valuable gift of nature, directing a person to study his personality, reflect on the meaning of life, and reflect on his reality. Psychologists advise to recognize the fact that a personal problem is the smallest grain in the complex structure of the universe. Understanding this allows a person to dive much deeper than his difficulties, gives a person a chance to gain wisdom, change for the better, perform only useful actions and not waste energy in vain.
Step 4. Studying ourselves and our suffering
An important step in overcoming heartache is to give honest answers to the questions: “What truth does heartache reveal? What lesson do I need to learn from this event? To deal with mental pain, you need to immerse yourself in it and study it. And faith in one's own strengths, purpose and motivation will help to get out of a difficult state. Every person has a cherished dream, the realization of which is constantly postponed until later. A person, guided by primitive instincts, does not leave himself a chance to realize a dream because of his own laziness, invented excuses for inaction, fictional fears and lack of faith.
To get rid of mental pain, you need to devote time to studying your condition and try to determine the real reason for your feelings. To do this, on a piece of paper, you should outline your activities to the smallest detail over the past week and try to describe your current feelings. For more than half of the people, heartache is triggered by regret about the misused time spent on absolutely useless things.
For example: a housewife, instead of devoting time to personal development and education, full-fledged social contacts, body care, sees her mission exclusively in performing routine household chores. Often, a woman with such a way of life suffers from the accumulated fatigue from the monotonous housework, which does not meet with due appreciation from the spouse, and reaches a critical point when the husband leaves the family.
What to do in such a situation, and how to cope with mental pain? Accept a fait accompli, reconsider life priorities, change the field of activity, work on discovering new facets of personality, try to find your own zest.
Step 5: Rethinking Your Lifestyle
Important actions that must be performed daily to escape from the bottomless abyss and cope with mental pain:
- eat,
- sleep,
- move.
You should make a varied, healthy, complete and tasty menu, enjoying the ritual of eating. Sleep is an important component for restoring health, a magical cure for pain. Movement is exactly the argument, because of which any organism lives.
To get rid of mental pain, you need to have a healthy body, because the stability of the emotional sphere directly depends on the physical state. In order to quickly cope with a painful state of mind, you need to “turn on” the resources of the body by going in for sports. Physical activity is not only a way to be in great shape and maintain somatic health, but also a chance to achieve harmony in the inner world, get moral pleasure, embark on the true path of life and find peace of mind.
Step 6. Taking care of loved ones
When your heart is completely sad, remember your loved ones and start taking care of them. Sometimes it is very difficult to take a step towards others, because when the soul suffers, all thoughts are focused only on their state. Getting rid of the barriers of selfishness, showing attention and love to another person, as a reward you will receive gratitude, a surge of energy and an incentive to rise and live. Therefore, by doing good to others, a person takes care of his well-being and can cope with the suffering of the heart.
Step 7. Get rid of destructive emotions
To survive the pain, you need to get rid of negative emotions. Remember: the one who justifies and cultivates resentment, envy, jealousy, is doomed to feel mental anguish, because the accumulated intensity of negative passions will destroy the person himself first of all.
Step 8. Saying "no" to bad habits
Attention! Many people who are suffering try to get rid of their mental pain with the help of alcohol, drugs, risky activities. Due to heavy painful internal sensations and misunderstanding of the nature of mental pain, a person, instead of efforts aimed at changing his personality, prefers to escape from reality, forgetting himself in the fog of destructive addictions. However, such a measure not only does not help to cope with mental pain, but also creates even more dangerous problems, depriving one of willpower and taking away the last hope for happiness.
Step 9. Temper our soul
Remember that it is easier to prevent heartache than to deal with it. You should develop your emotional stability, train mental stamina, strengthen psychological invulnerability. It is necessary to start tempering your soul with successfully overcoming life's little things. The main rule is to identify the wrong interpretation of the event and change your perception of the situation, at least to a neutral point of view.
For example: as a result of layoffs, you were fired from a prestigious position. Natural emotions will be anger, resentment, anger, disappointment, fear for the future. However, such a forced “leaving” brings a lot of positive things: to bring novelty into everyday life, the opportunity to try yourself in a new field, get another education, motivate you to succeed in your own business, discover your talents in another field. In this case, a positive interpretation of events will not give the slightest chance to be captured by their mental anguish.
Step 10. Work the muscles of the face
The strangest and most ridiculous, but effective way to cope with the torment of the soul: vigorously chewing chewing gum. The fact is that suffering involves static "fading" and tension of the muscles, including the muscles of the face. Rhythmic and energetic movements of the jaws relieve the muscles of immobility, eliminating spasms.
If you cannot cure mental pain on your own, you should seek professional help from psychologists.
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Working with mental pain - recognizing the cause of mental pain, its prompt removal and prevention of a new occurrence of mental pain.
Attention - if someone has not just a mental pain, but a whole spiritual wound, then this article is not for him. A bruise can be treated at home, and wounds are treated in a hospital. If you have something serious, do not self-medicate, go to a specialist.
Also consider what people call mental pain, often turns out to be something completely different. For example, restrained anger, unlived resentment, deep fear. And sometimes - just a notion and fantasy from nothing to do and to attract the attention of others. To deal with this, sometimes you need a psychologist or a psychotherapist.
Also, if behind the heartache there is a feeling of resentment, revenge and others that have an internal conditional benefit, then in this case, removing the heartache is the same as scooping water out of a leaky boat when water is poured into it again and again. If a person over and over again recreates his emotional pain with offensive memories, it is useless to relieve pain, first you need to stop creating it for yourself.
Mental pain can be created not only by the person himself, having conditional benefits, sometimes it is created by the people around him, consciously or not hitting your pain points. In this case, perhaps you should reconsider your relationship with these people, or simply leave the situation where you are hit on sore points.
If there is pain in the soul, you have two tasks: to dampen the pain and remove the cause of the pain. Sometimes one is relevant, sometimes another.
If you have a toothache, you should not eat Nurafen, but go to the dentist. If you have a nail in the sole of your shoe, then you need not to relieve the pain, but remove the nail.
If mental pain is caused by actual events (someone's actions, disagreements, difficult conversations or conflicts), then the main focus should be on eliminating the real causes, and not psychological or psychotherapeutic work with pain. If over and over again you arrange problems for yourself in relationships, meet with the wrong people and arrange problems for yourself out of the blue, then you need not to take off your mental pain, but to straighten your head. The first focus is on eliminating the causes.
It’s another matter if the situation has already happened, gone, but the mental pain remains and greatly interferes. Everything is clear, but the soul still hurts. It is clear that it will pass, but is it possible to do something so that now it does not hurt so much and passes faster? Yes, you can. Not long-standing mental pain is removed, as a rule, by rethinking the situation that has occurred or by relieving muscle tension and clamps.
Pay attention - the body is the main carrier of mental pain: muscle tension and clamps.
And in simple cases, mental pain can often be removed by fairly simple, "home" remedies. If you have just received a "hit from life" - unexpected difficult news, or you have been hit with a phrase in a difficult conversation - breath control helps. The clamp is formed when you freeze, when the diaphragm tightens. To prevent this from happening, watch your breathing: breathe calmly or vigorously, but - breathe. If you know breathing practices, it is easier for you: breathe calmly, with an extended exhalation - just in time.
Also, after difficult events, when pain begins in the soul, it is useful to sleep. No wonder they say: "The morning is wiser than the evening." At night, the body relaxes, mental pain goes away. Option - professional massage. A good massage therapist will know that you have a heartache, even if you do not tell him about it. He will feel it with his hands - he will feel your muscle clamps. And with a high probability he will be able to stretch them, eliminating the base of mental pain. If after that you do not create it again, there will be no more pain. Rise up fresh and joyful.The pain can return if you bring back memories to the painful situation. To prevent this from happening, keep yourself busy. Sometimes it helps to shift the focus of attention from yourself to anyone nearby: to start actively taking care of someone. When someone really needs you, you forget about yourself, and this is good in this case.
If you feel better, it is desirable to consolidate success. Here it can be useful to engage in active physical activity: work in the country, energetic sports (preferably with respiratory pumping), and finally, to switch completely, you can also dance in a good company. If you are, in principle, a bright person who loves people and life, then you know how it helps to do something good for others, at least to say a compliment to a good person, take care of someone, congratulate friends on something joyful and pleasant.
However, once again a warning, be careful: if something else is behind your mental pain (again: restrained anger, unlived resentment, etc.), then these remedies will not only not be effective, but will also create additional mental stress.
Looking Forward: Developing Mental Resilience
Mental pain often occurs in those who are not ready to face difficult life events. Strong people prepare themselves for everything in advance. It is useful - to develop your emotional stability, to strengthen your spiritual invulnerability when you meet at least with life's little things, to train your
It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. How to live if the world will not be the same? How to ease the heartache, if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait?
The bad has already happened. The misfortune happened not in the movies, but in real life. ?
Time heals?
It happens when the earth leaves from under the feet from the loss of a loved one: separation, illness, death. A special world has been built with this person. The heart stores experiences from a joint move to a new apartment, the birth of children or walks in the park. You remember with what expression he rejoices, sad or grumbles. You know how many sugar cubes he likes to add to his tea. And suddenly the usual way is crossed out.
How to live if the world will not be the same? How to appease if the relationship dear to the heart is not revived? Maybe be patient and wait? Training by Yuri Burlan "Systemic Vector Psychology" offers another way - to understand the causes of mental pain and with the help of psychoanalysis.
The word is first aid
Even years after the departure of a loved one, it can be painful to reread the letters addressed to you, in which he shared his innermost experiences. At best, the pain of separation - or betrayal, violence - dulls over the years. But liberation from emotional suffering does not have to wait passively. Just the opposite. For the treatment of pain from a spiritual wound, time is not worth wasting.
First aid for severe mental shock is to speak out.
There is an opinion that when a person has experienced stress, he should be left alone with his feelings and “not reopen the wound.” In fact, to cope with mental pain, you need to immediately start talking with a loved one about what happened. Do not close emotions in yourself, do not hold back tears, do not suppress painful experiences. And do not ignore any painful memory.
If emotional suffering is associated with the fact that a person can no longer be returned, it is advisable to discuss as many happy moments and feelings associated with him as possible. Talk about his achievements and virtues. Such memories will smooth out the bitterness of loss, making room for light sadness.
It is important to speak out as soon as possible after a traumatic event, otherwise negative experiences will be forced into the unconscious. If this happens, it will be more difficult to cope with mental pain later.
It is important to observe safety precautions. Approach with seriousness the choice of a person for a sincere conversation. Make sure that he takes care of your emotions, heartache.
This method can be regarded as first aid, like artificial respiration. When this tool from the psychological "first aid kit" has completed its task, a person needs a resource in order to live on.
How to live on?
People can experience a difficult situation in different ways, and the consequences of loss manifest themselves differently depending on the characteristics of the human psyche.
Emotional suffering
There are people for whom breaking an emotional connection is especially painful. System-vector psychology defines them as representatives.
Emotions are important for people with this type of psyche. In one hour, they can experience the whole gamut of experiences from fear to love. They seek to build emotional ties with people with whom they can exchange hidden feelings or give the warmth of the soul.
The loss of emotional connections makes their soul hurt. Due to unbearable suffering, visual people after an experienced trauma can close, avoid further expression of feelings. This is how they lead themselves into a trap. After all, then they do not fully realize the abilities inherent in nature, which means that they also lose the ability to experience the joy of life to a large extent.
It happens the other way around, when because of emotional pain it is difficult for them to cope with emotions. Hold back your feelings. Sobs roll over, the reality is hardly realized from emotional overexcitation. From such splashes, the hands are shaking, the head is broken. Instead, emptiness and longing come.
Such conditions may be the result of fear. It serves as the starting point of development for all people with a visual vector. Normally, in an adult, the emotion of fear is redirected into empathy, but in situations of severe stress, it happens that the usual response skills are washed away by a wave of a broken dam. Then the root fear of death can be exposed. It is not always realized and can be expressed at the level of psychosomatics, including panic attacks.
Guilt
This state is caused by the peculiarities of the psyche of the anal vector. Friendship and family for such people is sacred. If they are sure that they hurt a loved one, they reproach themselves greatly for it. Self-criticism is fueled by the innate tenacious memory of the anal vector. It firmly fixes the details of the past, even if you don’t want to remember them at all. What if there is no way to fix the past? A person can get stuck in a state of guilt for a long time and not know how to build his life further. The situation will change if you find a way to make amends by caring for those who need it.
Loneliness
Proofreader: Natalia Konovalova
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»Heartache, suffering - this torment was experienced by every person. Resentment from betrayal, betrayal, injustice, grief, longing - all these feelings are associated with pain that cannot be relieved with the help of medicines.
Unfortunately, many people, seeking to get away from the pain that torments them, find themselves in the trap of addictions. This applies to alcohol, drugs, gambling addiction.
Running away from problems is for the weak. Sounds trite, but it's true. Most people who tend not to take responsibility for their lives, looking for the cause of failures and mental discomfort from the outside, cannot survive the slightest pain and do everything not to feel it, which only aggravates the situation.
On the other hand, mental pain pushes creative people to create masterpieces, for example, the most beautiful poems are written precisely in a state of mental anguish, looking for a way out.
What to do when the soul hurts?
Let's consider several possible situations when torment arises, and try to understand how spiritual wounds can be healed.
Hidden Benefit
Psychological work with the problem begins with the establishment of its cause. If you associate with people who constantly "hit" possible, you will not need psychotherapy. It will be enough to change your environment. But if you deliberately find yourself next to such people over and over again, it makes sense to think about why you need it. What pushes you to such "self-torture"? Is there any hidden benefit for you in this?
It often causes severe mental pain. In this case, the treatment will be useless as long as there is a need to achieve hidden goals. In order to identify them and review them.
Woe
Another common cause of mental pain is a prolonged experience, for example, from a person or from the loss of a close relative.
In these cases, the help of a psychologist is often necessary, but the person himself can take steps to get rid of the problem.
First, you don't need to fuel your memories by looking at pictures of people who have passed away or listening to sad music. Secondly, try to switch your attention to new activities, do what you like the most, and most importantly, do not be alone.
When experiencing grief, there is a period when you need to endure acute pain, let it go. A psychotherapist can help with this. If you are unable to forget the deceased person, try to mentally talk to him and say goodbye. Left alone, light a candle, think about the one who left, let him go internally, having made the decision to continue living. Very often, such a choice requires real courage.
bodily tension
Any phenomena of our consciousness, one way or another, are manifested at the bodily level. Acute mental pain leads to the appearance of areas of tension in the body, or muscle clamps. For example, a hunched, tense back, “hardened” shoulders, clenched jaws. Such manifestations are the result of restraint. Movement frees the body, returns life to it, and, as a result, mental pain ceases to be unbearable, it “dissolves” and gradually disappears. Try to move more, walk, play sports, even if at first it will be difficult for you to force yourself to devote time to this. This will help you deal with the pain.
Working with restraint
One often hears: "Do not keep grief in yourself, speak out, it will become easier for you." It really is. At the initial stage, a person needs to release negative emotions and share experiences with loved ones. If there is no one to talk to, you can do a simple job: take a piece of paper and write on it what worries you, torments you, what hurts your soul. If you write sincerely and do not hold back, you will quickly feel relief. This work is useful in that it helps to better understand oneself, and the experiences brought out to the outside no longer seem so terrible and insurmountable. By the way, after completion of the work, it is recommended to destroy the leaflet. For example, it can be burned. This symbolic action will help you let go of negative emotions.
Defeat
Mental pain can also be caused by the experience of defeat in a matter that is very important for a person. In this case, the memories come back again and again, a feeling of shame arises, thoughts about what should have been done are tormented. Such a state of mind will be cured if a person finds the cause of his defeat and builds a different course of action. It is necessary to stop self-digging and understand what led to failure, and what qualities you need to change in yourself in order to avoid this in the future.
In general, the psychology of experiencing is built on looking for support in your mind, and only then work with feelings. is the master of himself and his life, which allows him to experience negative emotions without being captured by them. In addition, having learned to think and build our lives correctly, we begin to work for the future, excluding the appearance of mental pain and developing resistance to a variety of life circumstances.
Heartache allows you to gain new experience and maturity. The main thing is not to be afraid to live in the present in its entirety, rejoicing, sad, suffering, learning lessons and achieving new victories. After all, we all came into this world to experience the fullness of being, and not to hide in a cocoon of experiences. Think about it, you can live and continuously move forward, or you can “live”, that is, stay in place while life passes by. The choice is yours.
Is life pain? Not only, but it hurts everyone - some get by with scratches and light abrasions, others get out pretty shabby. Not everyone knows how to heal spiritual wounds, some continue to scroll the story of their unhappy life for years and decades.
“I can’t, my soul hurts,” the person says and tries to drown out the pain with wine, vodka, drugs or antidepressants. He is looking for an anesthetic, thanks to which his soul would become insensitive to pain, would stop suffering from injustice, betrayal, which would help to survive the loss or save him from the tormenting soul.
The German poet Heinrich Heine wrote that "Love is a toothache in the heart." But no bodily pain can be compared with the pain of a suffering soul. This is only later, when everything passes, you can repeat after Nietzsche: "That which does not kill us makes us stronger."
F. Dostoevsky wrote: “We must somehow suffer again our future happiness; buy it with some new agony. All is cleansed by suffering…” This idea is supported by representatives of the Russian Orthodox Church. The soul of a person who knows suffering will never remain deaf and blind to the suffering of others. Only those who have known mental anguish are capable of sympathy and empathy. So, suffering should be perceived as a blessing, they say.
How many will agree with this idea, especially when the pain tears the soul apart? It is unlikely that exemplary parishioners would like to spend their entire earthly life in mental suffering, even in the name of the eternal blessings promised to them in return, awaiting them after death. Is there some hypocrisy here? “Let me be humiliated, betrayed, deceived, and now I am suffering, but I like it, and I want to suffer, because suffering cleanses my soul. But there, in eternal life, my offenders will suffer, and my soul will find peace and happiness. The French writer François Mauriac called the thirst for suffering the same voluptuousness.
Is it safe to say that everyone who has experienced strong mental anguish has become more empathetic? That he began to empathize and sympathize more with people than before? It is forbidden. Often a person becomes embittered after great upheavals, his soul hardens and becomes insensitive to the pain of others. He will never be the same again. Sometimes it seems to him that everything is forgotten, the pain is gone, but in fact she just hid deep inside. A chance meeting, a photograph, a similar situation can stir up memories - and here he is again in her power.
Not only does the soul hurt, the body also begins to fail, because the state of mind is closely related to the physical. The pressure jumps, the heart aches, the stomach hurts, it torments, bulimia overcame and, as a result, excess weight appeared or, conversely, anorexia, and the clothes hung like on a hanger. It became scary to look at yourself in the mirror, and friends say that they put it in a coffin more beautifully. It is necessary to do something, but there is no strength - they were eaten by mental pain.
I remember childhood and my mother, blowing on her broken knee and repeating: “Be patient a little, dear, now everything will pass!”. And the pain slowly subsided. How nice it would be if you could just as easily drive away the pain of the heart.
What to do and who is to blame?
In our adult life, we choose friends and girlfriends for the role of comforters. When they have problems, they, in turn, turn to us for spiritual participation. Certainly, it would be better to consult a psychotherapist, but after all, firstly, not everyone can afford his services, secondly, it is not easy to find a good psychotherapist and, thirdly, not everyone trusts and can open up to a stranger, even a professional. A friend is always there. We sat, talked, cried - and it was like a stone fell from the soul.
Psychologists say that the main thing - don't drive the pain inside, don't and let them come out. Otherwise, they will subsequently necessarily negatively affect the physical condition of a person. Figuratively speaking, a bomb that has not exploded and has not been defused in time will explode sooner or later.
A person experiencing mental anguish needs give an opportunity to speak. At the same time, not all people have such an ability - to pour out their souls, even to friends. They may seem open, give the impression that their soul is wide open, but in fact hide their inner world from others. And if such a person prefers to remain silent on the question “What is happening to you?”, It is better not to get into his soul.
“Speak up”, “talk out your problems” with relatives or friends - some people prefer to restrain themselves in order not to take advantage of these tips. And indeed, relief comes first, which soon gives way to a feeling of insecurity, vulnerability, as if you have shown your weak spot, your “Achilles heel”. You begin to feel a certain dependence on the person to whom you opened up, who saw you in despair and tears, you are unpleasant that he became a witness to your weakness. Now you begin to fear that someone else will not know about your secret. So what if you told a friend, because he has other friends.
Maybe that's why some go to church. Some find solace in confession, others stand in front of the icon of their beloved saint and open their souls to him.
Often such people become victims of all kinds of sects, where, as it seems to them, they “pour balm on the soul” and “heal the soul.”
But from heartache there are no drugs, no anesthesia - it can only be experienced. Easy to say, but how to do it? Some dark forces have destroyed all that light that was inside of us, and we need to somehow live with this. We loved, but they cooled towards us, we believed, but they betrayed us, we hoped, but they treated us irresponsibly.
Many who find themselves in this situation begin to blame themselves. They endlessly replay the situation in their head to understand where they made a mistake, and punish themselves for doing this and not otherwise. From this, their mental anguish only intensifies, because they convince themselves that no one else, and they themselves, became the fault of their own or other people's misfortunes. Such behavior is called self-blame, self-flagellation, it leads to the fact that the program for self-destruction is turned on. " Stop blaming yourself psychologists say. "It's a road to nowhere."
"This too shall pass..."- such an inscription was carved on the ring of King Solomon. The events that caused the heartache will be a thing of the past. The pain of losing a loved one will no longer be so acute. And everything else can be experienced, especially if, instead of focusing on experiences, you ask yourself: “What can I learn from what happened?”.
And do not forget to give warmth to those who are close to us, who worried about us and to whom we are still dear.
To understand that another person’s soul hurts can only be the one who is not sweet himself ... But a happy person does not see this, everyone seems happy to him.
Creative people and people who look at life philosophically treat mental suffering and anguish as something inevitable and necessary. The same F. Dostoevsky wrote: “Suffering is life. Without suffering, what pleasure would there be in it: everything would turn into one endless prayer service: it is holy, but boring.
The French philosopher and linguist Pierre Boiste concluded: "He who does not know how to suffer, he does not know how to live." And the Russian philosopher V. Rozanov admitted: “The soul hurts, the soul hurts, the soul hurts ... And I don’t know what to do with this pain. But only with this pain I agree to live ... This is the most precious thing to me and in me.
If people didn’t worry, they wouldn’t appreciate fidelity, if they didn’t know what loss is, they wouldn’t appreciate life, if they didn’t know betrayal, they wouldn’t appreciate friendship. The German philosopher considered suffering as a stimulus to action, thanks to which humanity inevitably moves towards the better.
“Suffering is our heavy payment for everything that is valuable in life - for strength, for wisdom, for love,” these words belong to the Indian writer Rabindranath Tagore.